The Balance of Power in Relationships
Content
- Introduction
- Qualities of a positive relationship
- Rights and Responsibilites
- Clear Communication
Two way Communication
How to communicate and listen well
Different types of Communication
- Dealing with conflict in relationships
- Extra Relevant Information
- Introduction
- Qualities of a positive relationship
- Rights and Responsibilites
- Clear Communication
Two way Communication
How to communicate and listen well
Different types of Communication
- Dealing with conflict in relationships
- Extra Relevant Information
Having Satisfying Relationships- The Balance of Power
In today’s society, romantic relationships are occurring all around us. From puberty, onwards, the desire to have romantic and sexual relationships is perfectly natural. However, these relationships are very much not simply an easy ride. There will be times where you will feel like your relationship is not working out or that it is not what you expected. You may even feel like giving your relationship up.
Sadly, this is the case for many people in Australia,
A positive relationship should be one where there is a very comforting balance of power. This means that nobody out of the two couples in the relationship should have more rights or more dominance and control over the other.
A relationship should be one where there is positive, optimistic communication between both couples and that they both feel as though they’re allowed to express their interests and display them without judgement or rejection by their partner. This kind of relationship is one that will last for a long time and will be one where both you and your partner get the most out of it. However, there are certain factors that you need to remember in order to make this succeed. This part of the website will help to support you and your partner to have a positive, successful and enjoyable relationship by teaching you how to have a positive balance of power.
Sadly, this is the case for many people in Australia,
A positive relationship should be one where there is a very comforting balance of power. This means that nobody out of the two couples in the relationship should have more rights or more dominance and control over the other.
A relationship should be one where there is positive, optimistic communication between both couples and that they both feel as though they’re allowed to express their interests and display them without judgement or rejection by their partner. This kind of relationship is one that will last for a long time and will be one where both you and your partner get the most out of it. However, there are certain factors that you need to remember in order to make this succeed. This part of the website will help to support you and your partner to have a positive, successful and enjoyable relationship by teaching you how to have a positive balance of power.
Qualities of a positive relationship
There are many qualities that can make up a relationship that is well balanced, positive and one that you will get the most out of. These include.
- Love
- Respect
- Understanding
- Compassion
- Commitment
- Humility
- Willpower (to get through the harder times.)
- Communication
- Support
- Reliability
- Caring
- Openness
- Selflessness
- Etc.
If you are to follow these relationship qualities and your partner also wishes to follow them and commit them towards you, you will begin to find that your relationship will be one that is positive and well balanced. Remember, this section focuses on balance of power and it is the combined effort of both you and your partner to follow the qualities of a good relationship that will make it truly balanced and worthwhile.
It is never worth one person in the relationship having dominance over the other. Always seek a relationship where both people can mutually express their kindness towards one another and also express the qualities mentioned above (plus more!!)
- Love
- Respect
- Understanding
- Compassion
- Commitment
- Humility
- Willpower (to get through the harder times.)
- Communication
- Support
- Reliability
- Caring
- Openness
- Selflessness
- Etc.
If you are to follow these relationship qualities and your partner also wishes to follow them and commit them towards you, you will begin to find that your relationship will be one that is positive and well balanced. Remember, this section focuses on balance of power and it is the combined effort of both you and your partner to follow the qualities of a good relationship that will make it truly balanced and worthwhile.
It is never worth one person in the relationship having dominance over the other. Always seek a relationship where both people can mutually express their kindness towards one another and also express the qualities mentioned above (plus more!!)
Rights and Responsibilities
In a relationship, both you and your partner need to perform their rights and responsibilities in order to balance the power of the relationship and have mutual respect amongst each other.
Your Rights are how you can expect to be treated and what you deserve in a relationship.
Your Responsibilities are how you should treat the other person in a relationship.
The relationships that this website is focussed on are sexual and/or romantic relationships. This can mean that your rights and responsibilities are different in this relationship in comparison to other types of relationships you may experience such as one between a sibling or between a parent.
Your rights are pretty much the positive qualities of a relationship expressed towards you, as mentioned beforehand. You have the right to and should be treated in a respectful, kind and loving way that makes you feel good about yourself and the relationship that you’re in.
Your responsibilities are to uphold those qualities of a positive relationship but towards your partner.
The extra effort to go through with these in a relationship can bring it a step further in the right direction in terms of a balanced relationship.
In a positive relationship, one person never dominates over the other. By having the correct rights and responsibilities in a relationship between both partners, this is unlikely to happen.
There are many ways in which you can fulfil the rights and responsibilities as a partner. These include:
- Make sure that you take an interest in your partner’s opinions on certain topics both in and outside of the relationship.
- Make sure that you take interest and respect their interests along with following through with it. For example, if they like museums go to museums with them and take interest in what’s being shown. Maybe talk about it afterwards and keep on building upon it.
- Try to do an activity with your partner maybe once every fortnight if possible. It could be as simple as eating out. Make sure that it’s not always one person asking the other one out since it may appear as if the one person not asking the other out is not too interested in the relationship. I know that this may be hard with many University assignments and commitments but still try to give it your best.
- Try to really, truly from the bottom of your heart, desire to serve the other person in the relationship and to legitimately take interest in it and making it strong and positive.
Make sure that all of these are performed mutually and not by just one partner
If both you and your partner are willing to do these to each other, as said before, your relationship will be well balanced in power and worth having.
Your Rights are how you can expect to be treated and what you deserve in a relationship.
Your Responsibilities are how you should treat the other person in a relationship.
The relationships that this website is focussed on are sexual and/or romantic relationships. This can mean that your rights and responsibilities are different in this relationship in comparison to other types of relationships you may experience such as one between a sibling or between a parent.
Your rights are pretty much the positive qualities of a relationship expressed towards you, as mentioned beforehand. You have the right to and should be treated in a respectful, kind and loving way that makes you feel good about yourself and the relationship that you’re in.
Your responsibilities are to uphold those qualities of a positive relationship but towards your partner.
The extra effort to go through with these in a relationship can bring it a step further in the right direction in terms of a balanced relationship.
In a positive relationship, one person never dominates over the other. By having the correct rights and responsibilities in a relationship between both partners, this is unlikely to happen.
There are many ways in which you can fulfil the rights and responsibilities as a partner. These include:
- Make sure that you take an interest in your partner’s opinions on certain topics both in and outside of the relationship.
- Make sure that you take interest and respect their interests along with following through with it. For example, if they like museums go to museums with them and take interest in what’s being shown. Maybe talk about it afterwards and keep on building upon it.
- Try to do an activity with your partner maybe once every fortnight if possible. It could be as simple as eating out. Make sure that it’s not always one person asking the other one out since it may appear as if the one person not asking the other out is not too interested in the relationship. I know that this may be hard with many University assignments and commitments but still try to give it your best.
- Try to really, truly from the bottom of your heart, desire to serve the other person in the relationship and to legitimately take interest in it and making it strong and positive.
Make sure that all of these are performed mutually and not by just one partner
If both you and your partner are willing to do these to each other, as said before, your relationship will be well balanced in power and worth having.
Clear Communication
Communication, as you have probably figured out by now, is a very essential
element to having positive relationships. Communication is not only what you say
however, but is also how you express it with your body language. Both are
equally important when it comes to expressing yourself and your opinions.
Let’s begin with some skills on two way communication
element to having positive relationships. Communication is not only what you say
however, but is also how you express it with your body language. Both are
equally important when it comes to expressing yourself and your opinions.
Let’s begin with some skills on two way communication
The Importance of Two Way Communication in a Balanced relationship.
In order for a relationship to be balanced in power, both people must have clear communication between each other. This is so that both partners can have a clear understanding of what the other thinks and feels and that they can express their interests, wants, needs and so forth. Then, from there, the relationship can work because both people can help to fix any problems and also compromise.
In order for this to happen, two way communication must be used as opposed to simply One way communication.
One way communication is pretty much ordering and requesting another person to do something without expressing a verbal response.
Two way communication is more of a conversation between two people where they both accept and send messages by questioning and responding.
The difference between one and two way communication is often quite significant. Two way communication often helps to include and receive the other person’s opinions.
For example, if you are deciding about which movie to go to, then don’t take the one way communication option and say “We will go to this movie!” That will make the relationship rather unbalanced and will make you more dominant than your partner which will make a negative feel in the relationship.
Instead, simply ask your partner “which movie would you like to go to?” Then, from there, you can try and compromise and come to understand a middle path.
Remember, two way communication includes while one way communication only directs.
In order for this to happen, two way communication must be used as opposed to simply One way communication.
One way communication is pretty much ordering and requesting another person to do something without expressing a verbal response.
Two way communication is more of a conversation between two people where they both accept and send messages by questioning and responding.
The difference between one and two way communication is often quite significant. Two way communication often helps to include and receive the other person’s opinions.
For example, if you are deciding about which movie to go to, then don’t take the one way communication option and say “We will go to this movie!” That will make the relationship rather unbalanced and will make you more dominant than your partner which will make a negative feel in the relationship.
Instead, simply ask your partner “which movie would you like to go to?” Then, from there, you can try and compromise and come to understand a middle path.
Remember, two way communication includes while one way communication only directs.
How to Communicate and Listen Well
In order for communication to be expressed properly and in a manner that will not provoke negative feelings, thoughts or actions, proper body language must be used in both listening to and communicating messages.
There are certain ways in which you can make sure that this occurs.
When listening to others…….
- Make sure that you have eye contact with them the whole time.
- Make sure that you look relaxed, open and don’t fidget or cross your arms.
- Try to lean inwards towards the person (but not too much.) Do just enough to help show that you’re interested.
- Match your facial expression to what the person is saying.
- Ask questions to make sure that it shows that you’re interested and to also clarify any confusion.
When you speak to others…….
- Keep your body language unthreatening and make sure that it is not carrying any negative connotations. You can do this by not having a stern face, not crossing your arms and by having a relaxed and positive tone of voice that does not sound threatening.
- Keep maintaining eye contact with them.
- Match your body language to the mood of the conversation and what you are saying.
- Ask if the person is agreeing or has any suggestions with what the other is saying.
- Try to make it sound as though you are making an effort to benefit both you and the person you’re talking too.
These tips for communicating will be very useful in having a balanced relationship with your partner as it will help in supporting you both in having positive and mutual two way communication. It will also allow you to both express your opinions, needs and wants in a manner that will not threaten the other person or give negative connotations.
All of this will help you to have your rights in the relationship fulfilled. Then, when it is time for you to listen to the other person, you can do the same for them. This makes it so that the communication between your partner can be positive and joyful. Then, you can both have a relationship where you both obtain many benefits and have a very positive experience.
There are certain ways in which you can make sure that this occurs.
When listening to others…….
- Make sure that you have eye contact with them the whole time.
- Make sure that you look relaxed, open and don’t fidget or cross your arms.
- Try to lean inwards towards the person (but not too much.) Do just enough to help show that you’re interested.
- Match your facial expression to what the person is saying.
- Ask questions to make sure that it shows that you’re interested and to also clarify any confusion.
When you speak to others…….
- Keep your body language unthreatening and make sure that it is not carrying any negative connotations. You can do this by not having a stern face, not crossing your arms and by having a relaxed and positive tone of voice that does not sound threatening.
- Keep maintaining eye contact with them.
- Match your body language to the mood of the conversation and what you are saying.
- Ask if the person is agreeing or has any suggestions with what the other is saying.
- Try to make it sound as though you are making an effort to benefit both you and the person you’re talking too.
These tips for communicating will be very useful in having a balanced relationship with your partner as it will help in supporting you both in having positive and mutual two way communication. It will also allow you to both express your opinions, needs and wants in a manner that will not threaten the other person or give negative connotations.
All of this will help you to have your rights in the relationship fulfilled. Then, when it is time for you to listen to the other person, you can do the same for them. This makes it so that the communication between your partner can be positive and joyful. Then, you can both have a relationship where you both obtain many benefits and have a very positive experience.
Different types of Communication
When you communicate to other people in conversation, there are many different approaches that you can take to get your point across.
When you communicate to people such as your partner about topics that may be rather challenging, you need to do it in a way that will be balanced in power and will not make one person more dominant than the other in the conversation.
The three main types of communication that will be mentioned are Aggressive communication, Passive communication and Assertive Communication.
Aggressive communication is where there is one person making his/her opinion dominant over the other’s. It is often rather angry and blameful to the other person and therefore, their voice and their face will be aggressive. It is very much a one sided, biased point of view that attacks the other person without listening to their opinions.
Passive communication is where one person simply accepts the other’s point of view and they assert their point of view. This may sound like a selfless idea, but in the end you may just end up bottling all of your opinions away and then you may feel a lot of pain yourself or even eventually explode to let it all out. This type of communication is not well balanced as it still only let’s one point of view in the relationship be expressed.
Assertive communication is the most well balanced and positive communication style. Assertive communication is saying what your opinion is and how you are feeling but without implying nor saying that it must be your way. Assertive communication seeks to find a compromise and a middle way. It pretty much says “I think that we both matter and have the right to an opinion so let’s try and work this out together.”
Through this, both you and your partner have the right to say no while both expressing your opinions without rebuke and resistance.
You can also make understandable and realistic requests to others while still knowing that they are allowed to say “No.”
It is a truly balanced way of saying your opinions while still accepting the other person’s point of view and right to say differently. Then, your relationship can be balanced with both people being happy with a decision.
Decisions need to be balanced and need to be able to be influenced and decided by both people in a relationship in order for the power in a relationship to be balanced. Power in relationships can be further balanced by having well balanced communication between 2 people in a relationship.
You want to be able to respect the other person’s opinion without being walked over but you don’t want to have your opinion dominate the conversation.
You want Assertive conversation that is presented in a respectful manner and tone to get your point across so that way both people in the relationship feel appreciated and respected.
When you communicate to people such as your partner about topics that may be rather challenging, you need to do it in a way that will be balanced in power and will not make one person more dominant than the other in the conversation.
The three main types of communication that will be mentioned are Aggressive communication, Passive communication and Assertive Communication.
Aggressive communication is where there is one person making his/her opinion dominant over the other’s. It is often rather angry and blameful to the other person and therefore, their voice and their face will be aggressive. It is very much a one sided, biased point of view that attacks the other person without listening to their opinions.
Passive communication is where one person simply accepts the other’s point of view and they assert their point of view. This may sound like a selfless idea, but in the end you may just end up bottling all of your opinions away and then you may feel a lot of pain yourself or even eventually explode to let it all out. This type of communication is not well balanced as it still only let’s one point of view in the relationship be expressed.
Assertive communication is the most well balanced and positive communication style. Assertive communication is saying what your opinion is and how you are feeling but without implying nor saying that it must be your way. Assertive communication seeks to find a compromise and a middle way. It pretty much says “I think that we both matter and have the right to an opinion so let’s try and work this out together.”
Through this, both you and your partner have the right to say no while both expressing your opinions without rebuke and resistance.
You can also make understandable and realistic requests to others while still knowing that they are allowed to say “No.”
It is a truly balanced way of saying your opinions while still accepting the other person’s point of view and right to say differently. Then, your relationship can be balanced with both people being happy with a decision.
Decisions need to be balanced and need to be able to be influenced and decided by both people in a relationship in order for the power in a relationship to be balanced. Power in relationships can be further balanced by having well balanced communication between 2 people in a relationship.
You want to be able to respect the other person’s opinion without being walked over but you don’t want to have your opinion dominate the conversation.
You want Assertive conversation that is presented in a respectful manner and tone to get your point across so that way both people in the relationship feel appreciated and respected.
Dealing with Conflict in Relationships
Conflict can occur within relationships due to a clash of ideas and a relationship that is maybe not working out for you or is not right for you.
If you feel as though your relationship is not going where it should and/or is not what you expected but you still feel a though is worth going through with, then you may need to simply confront your partner and know how you’re feeling. Then, through this you can express your opinions and come to have your rights represented in the relationship.
So, to deal with conflict in relationships, you can do several things to help………
- Before going into talking about how you can fix your relationship with your partner, try to write down a list of problems that you have with the relationship so that way, you can look at the list and not forget to mention any issues that you may have with the relationship.
- Talk to a person who is outside the relationship first and try to hear their opinions. That way, you can see the ideas of somebody who is outside the relationship and see a point of view that is subjective and unbiased.
- Be able to express your own opinions while listening to other people’s and try your very best to have a subjective view of the situation.
- Be willing to compromise and find a middle path in situations. This can be achieved through Assertive communication.
- Try to make sure that you can give and accept apologies.
- Understand and accept your partner’s point of view.
- Make sure that you forgive your partner for any negative views and actions that they may have performed.
- Accept criticism.
- Be open and express how you feel and how you think of the situation.
- Really make a sincere effort to change how you have acted in the past.
- Be assertive about your rights but serve your responsibilities.
- Have positive two way communication.
- And so on.
In a relationship, there will be times where these techniques will be necessary and will need to be used in order to resolve conflict and move on with a relationship. Having mutual respect and understanding and making sure that both members of the relationship obey these basic concepts of dealing with conflict in relationships will stop conflict and adversity from damaging your relationship.
Through doing these and doing so through positive and calm communication that’s well thought out, you can both have a subjective relationship that will overcome conflict and will last for a long time.
If you feel as though your relationship is not going where it should and/or is not what you expected but you still feel a though is worth going through with, then you may need to simply confront your partner and know how you’re feeling. Then, through this you can express your opinions and come to have your rights represented in the relationship.
So, to deal with conflict in relationships, you can do several things to help………
- Before going into talking about how you can fix your relationship with your partner, try to write down a list of problems that you have with the relationship so that way, you can look at the list and not forget to mention any issues that you may have with the relationship.
- Talk to a person who is outside the relationship first and try to hear their opinions. That way, you can see the ideas of somebody who is outside the relationship and see a point of view that is subjective and unbiased.
- Be able to express your own opinions while listening to other people’s and try your very best to have a subjective view of the situation.
- Be willing to compromise and find a middle path in situations. This can be achieved through Assertive communication.
- Try to make sure that you can give and accept apologies.
- Understand and accept your partner’s point of view.
- Make sure that you forgive your partner for any negative views and actions that they may have performed.
- Accept criticism.
- Be open and express how you feel and how you think of the situation.
- Really make a sincere effort to change how you have acted in the past.
- Be assertive about your rights but serve your responsibilities.
- Have positive two way communication.
- And so on.
In a relationship, there will be times where these techniques will be necessary and will need to be used in order to resolve conflict and move on with a relationship. Having mutual respect and understanding and making sure that both members of the relationship obey these basic concepts of dealing with conflict in relationships will stop conflict and adversity from damaging your relationship.
Through doing these and doing so through positive and calm communication that’s well thought out, you can both have a subjective relationship that will overcome conflict and will last for a long time.
Extra Relevant Information
Divorce Statistics from the Australian Bureau of Statistics
- In Australia, every third marriage ends in divorce;
- About 29% of Australians never marry;
- During the past two decades, Australians started to marry less and divorce more;
- About one-third of children today are born outside the traditional marriage;
- Men are more likely to die than to divorce (33.4% chance for a marriage to end in divorce, and 47% chance for a man to die while married);
- Women are more likely to divorce than to die (33.4% chance for a marriage to end in divorce, and 22% chance for a woman to die while married) - this is due to longer life expectancy for women;
- Divorced people have a higher chance of re-marriage than those who are widowed - nearly half of divorced people re-marry;
- The number of joint divorce applications increased in the last years;
- About three-quarters of people who marry today lived with their partner for some time prior to marriage;
- Divorced people who are in de-facto relationships are less likely to marry their partner than the ones who have never been married;
- Married people are twice as likely to have children than the ones in de-facto relationships;
- Most people aged 35-64 years have been in at least one live-in relationship (95%);
- Marriages are now lasting longer before the divorce than 20 years ago (the median duration of marriage to divorce was 12.5 years in 2007 compared with 10.1 years in 1988);
- The divorce rate in Australia per 1000 of population remains around the level of 2.5% (plus-minus 0.2%) since 1988, as well as the average number of children per divorce of 1.88;
- Women file more divorce applications than men;
- Most men divorce at the age 40-44, women at the age 35-39;
- Most divorces in Australia are granted in New South Wales, followed by Victoria and Queensland;
- According to the latest divorce statistics available, the divorce rate in Australia is on decline: after the peak divorce rate of 2.7% in 2001, it reached 2.3% in 2007 for 1,000 of residential population - the lowest since 1988.
Statistics on Violent Relationships
NEARLY 60 PERCENT OF ALL YOUNG WOMEN HAVE EXPERIENCED ABUSE29% of women surveyed said they’d been in an abusive relationship.
Read More at http://www.glamour.com/tell-somebody/2011/05/the-facts-relationship-violence-2011-statistics#ixzz29RiT8XpJ
- 62% of those women have been hit, shoved, or slapped.
- 33% choked or strangled.
- 11% who say their partner is currently abusive predict he “will seriously hurt or kill me.”
- 23% of those women said they’d suffered physical violence, such as being slapped or punched.
- 94% cited emotional abuse. “Emotional abuse almost always escalates to physical violence,” says Diane Lass, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist at the Family Justice Center in San Diego.
- 24% of women in abusive relationships have not told anyone they’re being harmed.
- Similarly, 37% of women who have known someone in such a relationship never said anything to that person—or to the authorities.
- 62% of women who reported they had been in these relationships said that having the support of a friend, family member or coworker helped them “get through the relationship safely.”
- 42% of women who were in an abusive relationship and told someone they were being hurt said doing so helped them get out.
- Love was the top answer from women in our survey when asked why they had not left an abusive partner
Read More at http://www.glamour.com/tell-somebody/2011/05/the-facts-relationship-violence-2011-statistics#ixzz29RiT8XpJ